Once upon a time ........
Once upon a time .............
Once upon a time there was a sweet little girl. She was one year old. She had two sweet sisters and a sweet brother. A sweet father and sweet mother. A mother who cuddled her, kissed her, took care of her and did everything what a mother does for her baby. On one day this mother had to go to the hospital to give birth to her next child. It was a son, a new little brother for that little girl.
That sweet little girl, she waited and waited for her mother. When would she come home? She missed her very much. A couple of days later her mother came home, nicely laid out in a wooden box. Everyone was very sad. The sweet little girl did not understand it. That was not her mother. Where was she, where was that kind smile. She continued waiting. Her mother stayed away. She was sadly and remained her mother missing. She became angry. Also she was frightened that her father would not return without saying goodbye.
A couple of years later. The sweet little girl, she didn't know, was still angry. She missed her mother very much. Her father had found a new mother which he loved very much. She would, together with him, with love take care after his five children. The sweet little girl liked that too, she also found her new mother a very sweet mother. There was a picture on the wall in the living room from her mother and every evening they prayed for her. She had to be grateful that she had found such a kind new mother.
Still she remained unconsciously angry. Angrily because she was abandoned. Everyone who saw her asked her why she was angry. Her answer was always "I'm not angry". Then she became angrily because this question was asked.
The years went further. Her brothers and sisters were all four very well-behaved children. They didn't want to be the centre. Unconsciously or consciously, that sweet little girl always stood on a negative way in the centre. There was always something with her. When she was 6 years old, on school or somewhere else. If there was something, also she had done nothing, she always got the blame. She listened, not enough according to her parents, went her own way, drew her own plan. She unconsciously was looking for the attention which she missed of her mother and was still angry because she abandoned her. Although she did still her way to be a good girl, it was never good enough. She did not finish her school and found a job. She liked it. She thought: "I am free of that perpetual moaning". She went on with her reach puberty. She had always not enough money, she spent more than she got as pocket money. She had a lot of boyfriends, was never in love. She enjoyed all the attention.
The perpetual moaning, it still was not finished because unconsciously she was angry. Everyone still asked her why she was angry. Her answer and response was the same "I'm not angry" and became angrily because this question was asked. The years went beyond, her employer became harder, commercial one called that. She allowed it that she hyperventilated, became overstrained and sick (cervical cancer). She dared say none no, went rapidly to her work after her operation. She was frightened that she was abandoned. The years went further. She was regularly sick, she did not want to be sick. There was always something with her uterus and/or the surroundings of this, her back and her teeth. Finally it was her back, it wasn't possible to go any further, she couldn't walk anymore. Ordinary therapy, it didn't feel good for her.
Another therapy. Ha, that felt good. A therapy, which she did not know. She did not know what it was, it felt complete good and especial. This therapy was both physical and mentally complete intense. It made her curiously. She found out what it was. A therapy based on spirituality, based on unquestioning love. She had an argument with the company doctor and her employer. For the first time of her life she did something for herself. She took an emotional decision and took dismissal. She wanted to decide for herself what was good for her. She only could feel what was good for her.
A couple of months later she had a dream (a repetition of, a bit different). Then she knew that she had taken both instinctive and rationally the correct decision.
She could paint, play with colours and further she could work on herself. She could take her own decisions, had only to be herself. She didn't remember everything at that moment.
She was ready with this therapy. She had still contact. After that she had another therapy. This therapy was differently. Also very valuable. Finally she was also ready with this therapy. Something had happened with her body, the outside of her body, her labia. Something had come to the outside. It was as if her body cried.
In the meantime she learned to known someone else, she had been sent to him. She had seen him for a moment and dreamed of him the following night. He brought her the colour of pink, the colour of love. For this reason she informed herself, who he was, she didn't know his name. Afterwards contact followed by e-mail. She could write him everything, there was nothing too much for him. She trusted him. So she could express her anger and grieves which where still inside of her. Her anger concerning the loss of her mother, her anger concerning sexual abuse, assault, sexual intimidation, her inability to talk, her inability to speak for herself. After a while she made an appointment for a privat-session. This was special and very intense. There followed several sessions, an initiation in herself. She knew already why her body cried, what was at the outside of her body. She became what she didn't wanted.
That thing for which she had fear for a long time.
She could grow to do what was necessary. First she was allowed to learn to make from the negative things something positive. To accept what was there, to allow her fear. Learning that all what happened were lessons from life. Learn to love that part of her body. Learn to enjoy her sexuality. Learn to be in love and to love herself. To see how beautifull she was/is. Learn that there was no need to be perfect because she was perfect already. Afterwards it was possible for her to go to the doctor, to the hospital for examination. It clicked immediately with the doctor who would operate her. It felt good. Then it was possible to do the operation to remove the cancerous tumour. They would be operating on her conditions, what she wanted, without fear. She has learned to enjoy the complete process so she could do the things she had to do. After the operation it was ready for her. The treatment afterwards could be filled with love, no radiation treatment. That was her choice.
Even she doesn't know conscious how her first mother moved, talked of walked, she knows now that she was always there for her, always loved her. Also after she died. And ........... her second mother was right. She has told her very often: "You can do everything if you want to do that".
The reason of her fear, abandoned fear, became a fact. Both her second mother and her father died. She was too late and couldn't see goodbye to her.
The morality of this story. Your complete life you can make choices. You decide. You can make the choice to stay negative. To stay and feel your sorrow, angry and pain. How terrible it is or has been. It is a choice. Or you can decide for a positive attitude. To look and feel what you can learn. I have learned where this grieves, at both sides a negative or positive attitude can do. All the things that happened, you can give it a place. It could be there. They were lessons from life. If you have processed it (if there is no past anymore) you can make your dreams come truth. It leads to enjoy, perfectly, wealth, abundance. A life full of love and gifts. The only thing you have to say is "thank you". You are the producer of your live. You are perfect.
It came several times to me from several people. The Secret. The large secret, I personally have already experienced it.
Thank you very much.
I wish everyone a life of enjoy, perfectly, wealth and abundance. A life of love and gifts.
Love ........................ Tineke
©® Tineke Kleij-van den Boomen / 2007
Tineke Kleij-van den Boomen, h/o JustBooArt, Kalmoes 14, 5491 KJ Sint Oedenrode
T: +31 (0)413 – 474 317, M: +31 (0)6 - 493 734 86, e-mail: info@tinekekleij.nl, website: www.tinekekleij.nl and www.justbooart.nl / Registered in the Chamber of Commerce in Eindhoven, The Netherlands number 17.24.67.99, Vat-nr NL1431.37.244.B01